Wink's Wild Wicked Witches (alliteration, fools)

A Wink-Staffer-To-Be, David, recently expressed his appreciation for the editors' consistent ability to provide food at each meeting. And indeed, he should be! Just recently, the Wink editors (with thanks to Neethu!) sent out large bars of Hershey's chocolate to the Golden 39 with a Golden Ticket welcoming them into Wink. Us Winkees are known throughout the land for our snacks, and many a FAKE-WINKEE (Vin) have gone into a meeting to just grab the goodies. Whether it be as small as a poster making meeting, or important as a work party, there is always food present. But haven't you ever wondered why food is always present? Is it because there's an excess in estrogen in the all female Wink editors, and that nature brings out the nurturing side in us? Is it because Wink has a reputation for being caring, compassionate, and fair? Is it because we just like everyone who comes to our meetings to be welcomed with sweets? Um, NO!

Here now are the Top Six Food Items Wink is Known to Serve and the Nefarious Reasons Behind It


Exhibit A: Cookies


Most Common Offender: Beth, Neethu
Nefarious Reason(s) for Serving: The Cookie Monster, now deprived of cookies and belittled into eating vegetables, will see the cookies in your stomach...and your very soul...and he will crave them with an agonizing hunger that only he suffers. He will never stop hunting you.

Exhibit B: Cookies...on sticks

Most Common Offender: Beth. DEFINATELY Beth.
Nefarious Reason(s) for Serving: The same reason as above. Only this time, the discarded stick provides the Cookie Monster a possible murder weapon.

Exhibit C: Mango Jamba Juice

Most Common Offender: A tie between Neethu and Leann, but the Jamba Juice honor ultimately goes to NEETHU.
Nefarious Reason(s) for Serving: Whenever Leann and Neethu -- or Leann and Beth, or Leann and Neethu and Beth, or any other combination that includes Leann -- go to the Jamba Juice on Evergreen, it is customary for Leann to arrogantly smirk and snicker at the poor souls who are required to jerk their arm and exclaim "Jamba!" every time a customer makes an order. These juice makers in aprons are angry...very angry. They are equipped with dangerous blenders with sharp blades, and the thing that crushes wheat grass into protein energy boosters. They will eventually come after Leann one day...in which case she will run and point at the Wink minions working innocently (defenselessly) in the J Room.

Exhibit D: Pizza Schmizza

Most Common Offender: Everyone. Are you kidding? Who wouldn't want a slice of pizza schmizza?
Nefarious Reason(s) for Serving: We really don't know. I mean, everyone loves them some Pizza Schmizza.

Exhibit E: Brownies

Most Common Offender: Beth
Nefarious Reason(s) for Serving: Have you seen that spatula and pan in the picture? Beth expertly knows how to weild such innocent weapons as basic kitchen tools. And she has more...in her kitchen of DEATH...ly delicious baked goods.

Exhibit F: Cupcakes

Most Common Offender: Beth
Nefarious Reason(s) for Serving: We can't even utter the atrocities behind cupcakes. When we are emotionally and psychologically ready to speak of the evils of cupcakes, we will reveal them to you...but by then you might be DEAD...ly tired of our histrionics and theatricals.